The Motivational Rockstarr

Project 365: Day 38 – Facing Reality

Posted on: August 7, 2011

Confession time!

I was going to keep this situation to myself, because it’s a tad personal, a smidge embarrassing, and a wee bit effed up…BUT…that was the whole point of journaling Project 365 publicly. I made a pact with myself to share the highs AND the lows of this journey with everyone as a method of motivating those that have come to realize this transition is NOT as picture perfect as the gurus and experts make it seem. My confession is…

*drum roll*

Rockstars…we are about to take reality head on!

*gasp*

Not just for myself, but for the Lil’ Rockstars as well. My daughter will enter middle school for the first time, which leaves my son attending elementary school by himself. As expected, my son really isn’t all that freaked out. My daughter, on the other hand, is spazzing times ten!

She’s going to middle school with her best friend, but will have to face the first day of middle school by herself. Even though there will be other kids there from her school, she just met them and hasn’t seen them since the end of last school year. It’s funny in a way, because while she’s facing one of her biggest fears…I’ll be facing one of my own.

We have to move. My 60 day notice expires soon and I still don’t have a potential place. This isn’t due to any last minute looking, but because of other reasons (I’m sharing and all…but I’m not sharing ALL!); some foreseen, others – not so much. Either way I look at it, I have until this weekend to find and secure a residency.

Talk about a bible story coming true!

Now I don’t know the entire story of Job, but I do know he did a lot for God, lost his faith at some point, and was faced with his biggest fear. Well, that’s kind of the position that I’m in. I went for months stating that I no longer wanted to be here. Well, lo and behold, I was placed in a position where I could get out. I took it without a second thought…or a second plan!

Oopsie!

I can’t reverse what I asked for, nor do I want to. I’m just trying to make sure we’ll end up okay and not on the street – or worse, back in Ohio (and yes, that is 100 times worse in my book!). So I have been frantic for the past month or so trying to piece this together. I’ve had hits that turned out to be misses, leads that took me to dead ends, and high hopes that sent me crashing into the ground.

Yet…I’m calm.

For some reason, I’m no longer in panic mode. I had to take myself out of that because every decision I made under fear and panic flopped in my face. I’m cool now though. I’m not scared of being on the street because I know that’s not going to happen. I’m not fearful about having to go back to Ohio because that’s not an option. I’m not worried about “not making it” because I always have. Hell, if I can survive a stroke this is cake walk! (Mmm…cake!) So, what have I decided to do?

Smile…stand my ground…and face reality.

The worst that could happen is not going to happen. I’ve already declared that. Besides, I’m no longer focusing on the bad, but am working towards the good. Maybe this seems a bit…I don’t know…ditsy, but I know everything will be okay. I asked to be let out of my lease with no legal ramifications and I received it. I asked for a better opportunity…not to mention a better residency…and it’s coming my way. So instead of freaking out about the unknown I’m excited about it! I’m closing yet another chapter in my life and beginning a new one.

Well it’s time for me to finish cleaning, preparing, and searching for my next location. I had lost faith and trust in myself and in God, which is what manifested this situation. Thankfully, it has been restored. How do I know? I’m not spazzing out! With that said, this is going to be an interesting week.

The journey continues…

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2 Responses to "Project 365: Day 38 – Facing Reality"

I was in a similar situation these last months and just like you I had no fear and I never gave up hope.The bible said, a poor man cried out to the lord and he delivered him from ALL of his troubles.Not some BUTall. As he did for me, he will do the same and even more for you.(((hug))).

I feel your pain and fears, I’ve been there. How’s everything going?

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