The Motivational Rockstarr

Project 365: Day 85 – The Big Black Hole

Posted on: September 25, 2011

First of all, I do not like the new WordPress setup!

Now that I spoke my peace about it, let’s get down to the real purpose of this blog. Last time I talked about the need to reboot. I felt like I was stuck, uncomfortable, and stagnant – not the words I used, but you get my point. My goal was to do that during my getaway this weekend. I got a chance to reboot alright – but NOT how I expected.

I went to a cabin for the weekend with my BFFN (best friend for now – insider!) and his people. It was fun, exhausting and eye-opening all at the same time. Friday night was cool. Saturday was alright. That night is when $hit started hitting me left, right and center. I don’t know if it was the drinks, the atmosphere, or if something was just “in the air” but I literally was ready to break something…or someone.

No, I didn’t fall out with anyone or anything like that. I just realized that a lot of my need to reboot was coming from this incessant need to please every effin body that I come in contact with. What makes it even worse is that the majority of the folks could give a flying f**k if I went out of my way or not.

I had a couple of impromptu therapy sessions that day. One was with my BFFN’s dad. He put a lot of light on why I may be feeling this way without even knowing it. You know how you tell someone something, yet you find it difficult – if not impossible – to follow that advice yourself? Well, essentially that’s what was done to me. I was hearing my own motivational words bounce right back to me – with a wise yet gangsta twist! LOL! He was adorable and so on point. Sometimes, you just have to walk away from whatever or whoever it is and do you. It’ll/They’ll be there when you get back. If not, then why waste your time?

The second session came from my BFFN; this time I was even more irritated but for a different reason. He took his dad’s advice to a new level. One that will probably – no, definitely – make A LOT of people mad at me, but I have to do what I have to do. And what, pray tell, was that advice? Here it is; raw, uncut, and straight with no chaser (but not quoted because I don’t remember it verbatim):

You need to make your IDGAF (I don’t give a you-know-what) basket bigger. Matter of fact, create an IDGAF black hole and drop that $hit in there!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why he’s my BFFN! LOL!

So, the lessons that I learned over the course of my rebooting weekend are:

1) Don’t spend your life focusing on work.

2) When the day ends, leave that mess where it stands (work, issues, projects, etc.) and go do you.

3) Nothing is worth burning yourself out over.

4) No one is worth stressing over. Especially if they weren’t worth $hit when they were around. (That was a personal conclusion, but I won’t get into it here.)

5) Do what you can with what you have. When all else fails, drop it in your IDGAF Big Black Hole!

There’s still some residual irritation lingering within me, but that’s due to unresolved issues that WILL be taken care of within the next 24 hours. I am officially to the point where I’ve held myself back for others for far too long. I don’t mind motivating. I don’t mind giving a listening ear or even helping out when I can. I DO MIND being used, abused, and effed over just to get yourself ahead. I’ll help you step up, but NOT by allowing you to step all over me. At least now I won’t. This is a major lesson learned – more like realized – during this transitional phase.

This, by no means, changes my role as The Motivational Rockstarr. Far from it. This is a way to show you and tell you not to “sell your soul” for the sake of being liked, getting ahead, or benefiting others. There is a limit that you must create on your journey to your intended destination. I had limits, but every time I set them something happened or someone made a request that caused me to extend my limit – even when I knew I shouldn’t have. Basically, what I’m saying is forget drawing a line in the sand. Build a brick wall and make that thing indestructible.

I appreciate my BFFN and his father for helping me come to this realization. I enjoyed the weekend in its entirety. I absolutely adore those that I met! Now it’s time to finalize my reboot and build my brick wall. I’m setting limits in ALL 12 DIMENSIONS of my life. I don’t know how this is about to go down, but I will tell you this: EVERYONE WILL BE AFFECTED! Only time will tell if it will be in a positive or negative way.

The journey continues…

 

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