The Motivational Rockstarr

Project 365: Day 110 ~ Emptying Out

Posted on: October 20, 2011

**FAIR WARNING**

This blog is very – umm – expressive…in English and Italiano! Some sort of discretion is advised!

**SECOND WARNING**

You may or may not be mentioned in this blog. Don’t take it personal…it’s not like that!

VAFFANCULO!!!!!!

Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. I can’t say that things aren’t going the way I need, want, or desire them to. They, in fact, are. I am beyond grateful for where I am, who I have in my life, and how things are slowly unfolding.

But seriously…dia vaffanculo!

I love manifestations! I don’t care so much for – wait, let me say this a better way before I manifest something or show ungratefulness. I get that I receive what I need when I need it in the way that I need it. I am grateful for that. What irks the hell out of me is that some of these manifestations I’d rather not…well…manifest!

For example:

I need a car. I have access to a car…but it’s not MY car!

I need money. I receive money…in small quantities!

I want a relationship. I’m somewhat seeing someone…who’s cool “for now” but not “forever.”

I want to experience new things. I experience new things…by creating them in books!

*insert ear piercing scream here*

I hate when I feel like everyone – and I do mean EVERY FUCKING ONE – around me is moving EXCEPT ME!

WHAT IN DEE FUCK!?!?!?!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m very, VERY proud of everyone for doing their thing! I can even see myself as one of them. But (and I despise that word) my thoughts, words, actions, and tools are out of alignment. I can think it, say it and act upon it, but not have the tools to make it happen. I can speak it, act upon it, and even have the tools for it, but my thoughts are somewhere else. Sometimes, I’ll do them all and still…nothing! At other times, I’ll say screw it all and shit happens just like that!

I get I manifested this situation, and I pray it’s only temporary, but seriously I need, want, desire, and DESERVE better than this! I deserve to get paid what I’m worth! I deserve to be able to come and go at my leisure! I deserve to be in a happy, fulfilling, monogamous, MUTUAL relationship! I deserve to NOT be stressed out to the max! I deserve to be the writer, motivator, and just all-around-fan-fucking-fabulous Rockstarr that I am!

Instead of getting “beasty” I’ve somehow become a “beast”…and that’s NOT a good thing!

*note to self: come up with a new descriptive word for the process of creating EPICNESS!*

I have to rethink my approach because I’m in the midst of manifesting the next level. Where do I want to be? How do I want it to look? What does it feel like? Smell like? Taste like? Sound like? Who’s there? Who’s NOT!? Am I happy? Peaceful? Joyous? Do I wake up thanking God subconsciously, or is it still an effort on my part? Am I filled with AUTHENTIC GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION, or am I saying it just so I don’t get struck by God Almighty Himself?!

*insert inner voice*

B! Baby! Honey! Sweetheart! You have got to lighten up! This isn’t going to happen your way, and it’s certainly not going to happen overnight. I get you need to vent, and you’re entitled to, but come on! The Italian cursing?! You are too funny! Look, I get you’re frustrated. Just remember, you asked for this. When you put your desires out to the Universe you knew very well that it wasn’t going to be handed to you on a silver platter. You knew this, yet you did it anyway. This is part of the game sweetie! It’s going to be like this.

Do you know how many millions – get that right, MILLIONS – of people on the face of this earth would LOVE to be in your position? You pay no rent/mortgage and live in a 4 bedroom house. You have access to a vehicle whenever you need it; hell, you have it most of the time anyway. You work for yourself so you set your own hours. You have TWO physical books and 4 ebooks published…and YOU are the PUBLISHING HOUSE! You have two bright, wonderful, funny children that are at your beck and call if you need it. You have funds that you don’t need to spend because you  have everything you need.

Did you hear me?

YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED.

Now, I’m going to say this as nicely as I possibly can.

*clears throat*

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN! SHUT THE FUCK UP! AND LET ME HANDLE THIS!

*HUGS*

I love you, B, but you’re trippin’!

*thinking*

Yeah, I am! Thanks Diamond!

Whoo! I feel better!

*inner voice*

Good. Now get to work. That email isn’t going to create itself!

Ti amo, bella!

Ti amo, troppo!

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2 Responses to "Project 365: Day 110 ~ Emptying Out"

Fan-fucking-fabulous!!! This is my new favorite saying! Lol. I will be abbreviating it to FFF. So if you see it and it catches on you have the blog to prove you started the movement! Lol. I am however concerned for the guy you’re “seeing” to read this and realise he’s only temporary and he doesn’t make the cut! I’m laughing hard on this one!!! Also what’s with the comment about your kids being at your beck and call? Should i be concerned? Do you have a sweat shop in your basement with little kids hard at work constructing books and book covers? Haa! Ok last thing and then I’m done… I love that you allow your inner voice to come out… but multiple personalities can be tricky, don’t give her too much face time or she’ll want to take over and push you out!!! Lmbo! Ok on the serious side…Keep pushing to your goals, it may have happened already for everyone else around you, but rush greatness and yours just might last…a whole lot longer!
Thumbs UP!!

Sincerely,
@StephanieBinMD

Stephanie TOO FUNNY, ROCKSTARR THANK YOU!

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