The Motivational Rockstarr

Posts Tagged ‘coaching

Hola, Rockstarrs!!!

***This was originally going to be a Facebook Live presentation, but – unfortunately – FB Live is not my friend right now. *side eye* Nevertheless, I wanted to discuss a topic that I have been battling with for the past few days.***

We’ve all been through challenges, changes, and transformations that have pushed us to become better versions of ourselves. I know, personally, that I am a “challenge junkie!” If it’s about growth, evolvement, and increase I’m all for it. However, recently I’ve been wondering if, by strengthening my self-discipline, am I subconsciously experiencing self-deprivation.

Follow me here!

We all know that self-discipline is the act of controlling your thoughts, actions, and the like for improvement. Self-deprivation, on the other hand, is the act of denying yourself the basic needs of life (food, water, shelter – all that good stuff)! When I speak of self-deprivation in this instance though I’m going deeper than the basics. In my comparison, I’m referring to the little joys of life that we like to experience: television, treats, splurges at the store. Things of that nature.

In my case, one of my current self-disciplines is to exercise more for increased energy. Yet, lately, I feel like I’ve been depriving myself of rest because – God forbid – if I skip an exercise day then all of my prior workouts have been in vain. Now intellectually I know that’s not the case, yet I’ll deprive myself the occasional *bonus rest day* because I’m determined to stick to my exercise schedule.

Here’s another example. Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE CAKE!!! Since I’m exercising more I’m also working on changing my eating habits. Now, prior to this newfound love of working out (*snickers sarcastically*) I used to scarf down an entire box of Little Debbie snack cakes without blinking an eye. Now, I feel like if I eat even one I’m setting myself back and wasting months of workout time. Yet another exaggerated excuse to not have a snack cake, but that’s my current mental state.

This got me to thinking: what is the difference between self-discipline and self-deprivation? Here’s my answer:

Self-discipline is the act of controlling your thoughts and actions for the betterment of your overall goal. AKA…resistance!

Self-deprivation is the act of forbidding harmless pleasures for the sake of your overall goal. AKA…restriction!

Resistance VS restriction. One can move you two steps forward. The other can set you two steps back. Resistance is what allows you to strengthen your self-discipline. It’s the art of knowing how to determine what’s good for you and in what increments. Restriction is like a stern parent; it doesn’t allow you to enjoy the process of self-growth and increases the chance of self-sabotage.

How can you tell if you’re experiencing self-discipline or self-deprivation? Look at the end result. If you buckle, how will it affect the end goal? How will it affect how you feel about yourself? Will you still be able to achieve your desired results? If the answer still leads you to success, then it’s a mere act of self-discipline. If the answer leads to guilt and shame, then it’s self-deprivation.

Increased self-discipline is a healthy goal; increased self-deprivation is not. The best way to counteract the latter is to reward yourself while strengthening the former. A bonus rest day…a bonus snack…a bonus gift is not going to throw you off course. When you set rewards for yourself you reduce the risk of self-deprivation. When you reduce that risk, you also reduce the chance of self-sabotage. Know your starting and ending points, decide what counts as a true risk to your goal versus a harmless treat, and move accordingly. Knowing what you’re facing ahead of time helps to stick with improving your self-discipline while eliminating the experience of self-deprivation.

Happy growing!

~Rockstarr~

I have to laugh at myself sometimes! Here it is, Thursday, and I had YET to write this week’s blog! My goal is to write and post a blog every Monday (what is known as my Motivational Monday blogs). However, last month I experimented with posting a blog theme. Every week I wrote a new blog focusing on a specific topic. It was a trial run to see if I could follow a structured formula in regards to blog content.

I did great!

Then I got bored.

See, here’s the thing about me. I’m EXTREMELY (not yelling, just stating) spontaneous! Well, as spontaneous as a parent can get. I don’t like to plan blog topics. I don’t like to plan, period! Now before you hit me with the If you fail to plan, you plan to fail! hoopla hear me out.

I am several things: a blue personality…an empath…a Gemini…an artist in all capacities. I’m moved by inspiration, not structure. Ideas can strike me at 3am or 7 pm (which is funny because that’s what time it is now). When these ideas hit me, they all comes at once, sometimes in speeds that leave me before I can write them all down. I did well last month, but I also learned something about myself…and about creatives. We GO when we FLOW!

Did you catch that?!

We GO when we FLOW!

That means we’re at our best when moved by our creative energies. Now the structured stuff is good, too, no doubt about it. But you get supreme excellence when you move once the feeling strikes you! I’m telling you, there’s nothing like being moved to create and inspire spontaneously!

What’s my point? If you find that you move – umm – differently than the rest of the world that’s okay. You can still be structured and spontaneous at the same time. When the mood strikes, get as much information and set up as possible. Then, schedule the outcome to occur when you’d like it to appear. For example, sometimes I’ll get blog ideas late at night. Before my experiment, I would write the blog out on a Word doc or here and schedule it for a Monday release. It’s a win-win…and a method I’m returning to immediately!

What if you’re not a blogger thought? What if you’re a photographer and get inspiration to shoot in a certain area of town? Schedule a day and time you can go to that spot and I bet inspiration will meet you there. Are you a painter? Sketch your ideas or jot down what it looks like if you’re not in a position to grab a paintbrush at the moment. When you get to your canvas take your notes. Re-live that vision and transfer it appropriately.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t recreate your visions it 100% all the time. Learn your flow and work WITH it, not AGAINST it. Then schedule a time when you can execute what you received during your flow. Don’t allow the discrepancies of energy vs availability to stop you from being creative or consistent. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Find your path and ROCK IT!

Coach Cartel

“To thine own self be true.” –

Let’s be honest, how many of you can say this statement represents our life? Are you being true to yourself, or are you living a façade? Most of us are the latter, but swear we’re living in the former…especially in the sector of self-love. Now hear me out, ladies! We have a very warped perception of the true definition of self-love. We’re led to believe that it means having our hair laid out, nails on point, toes on fleek (do people even still use that word?!), body snatched, and clothes cycled out every season for the latest trends. While this may be a 100th of a 10th of 1% true, it is by no means an honest measure of self-love. It may be a representation of your Love Language, but self-love is on another level.

First, let’s break down the two words (thanks, Merriam Webster!):

Self: the entire person of an individual

Love: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

Combine these two and you have the overall meaning of self-love: the act of being unselfish, loyal, and benevolently concerned for you. That sounds good, right? Is this really all there is to it?

In a word…no.

Self-love is so much deeper than a combined Merriam Webster definition. It goes beyond the physical appearance and resides on a deeper, cellular level. How we think…how we act…how we treat ourselves is an indicator of how much – or how little – self-love you possess. The way you carry yourself in person and in private are a direct reflection of how you value yourself. Before we dive in to what self-love is, let’s clarify what it is not.

Going back to my examples, these are not true signs of self-love. Yes, we all want to look good and personal care is a must, but that doesn’t equate self-love. In fact, we as women are notorious for using our outer appearance to hide our feelings. If we feel our body isn’t up to par, we wear clothing that hides our shape. If we dislike our hair, we cover it up with wigs and weaves. If our skin is less than perfect (God forbid we have a pimple or scar) we cover it with make-up. We look great on the outside, but it’s only to cover up the emptiness and inadequacy we feel on the inside. And who causes these feelings? Family? Friends? Lovers? The media? We can point as many fingers as we want, but the bottom line is WE are the cause of these feelings. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt stated this truth some decades ago and she was spot on. We’re so concerned about how appealing we are to others so THEY will love us, that we neglect to love our natural self. What do we end up doing instead? We hide behind the disguises of painted nails, false hair, compromised complexions, and uncomfortable clothing – all for the sake of love.

Ladies, this is not true self-love. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good so long as you’re doing it for YOU and not THEM!

Here’s what real self-love looks like. It’s proper rest and nutrition. It’s laughing and smiling genuinely because you’re happy with yourself. It’s complimenting other women in a positive light. It’s living the life that you desire. It’s being grateful for everyone and everything in your life. It’s spending quality time with yourself doing what you love. It’s practicing your beliefs. It’s being you…unashamed and unapologetically!

When I first understood self-love I was on the other side of the spectrum. In fact, I was so far on the other side I didn’t even bother to hide it. My focus was on everyone else: kids, family, not-so-significant others. Everyone got a piece of my love except for me. As far as receiving it…that was a foreign concept. Do you know what it’s like to never be told that you’re loved? That you’re beautiful? That you are appreciated? Now imagine that being your entire life. Growing up, these words were non-existent. It was just assumed, I guess. So, of course, the first time someone told me they “loved me” I was ecstatic! I didn’t bother to think if they were telling the truth or why they said it in the first place. I don’t even think I knew what the word “love” really meant. I was just so enamored a the fact that someone finally – FINALLY – told me they loved me. Too bad that person lied…and so did the next one…and the next one…and on and on and on.

It would take years of disappointments, let downs, and false illusions to finally accept that none of these claims (made by not-so-significant others and friends) were true. It would take just as long to rebound from the hurt and confusion it caused me to feel. If they never really loved me, did that mean I was unlovable? Did I even know the true meaning of love? Again, it would be years before I finally GOT it.

You see, where most of us as women go wrong is we look for others to love us instead of learning to first love ourselves. In order to love ourselves, we need to know ourselves. In order to know ourselves, we need to spend time within ourselves. Only then are we capable of self-love, and it isn’t until we master self-love that we are truly able to love others. Otherwise, we’re simply lost souls seeking a “feeling” that we think is love, but we’re not quite sure because we don’t really know what love is ourselves. Once we get that understanding, we become force to be reckoned with!

This week, I want you to spend some time defining self-love. What does it mean to you? Are you living out the true meaning of self-love, or are you covering it up with distractions and illusions to mask the pain? What will it take to improve your self-love? Share your story below. This blog isn’t just about me…it’s about US! Look for the video blog expounding on this topic in a few days. You can view my current and previous videos here.

Honey, listen…I get my lessons in the CRAZIEST ways, do you hear me?!

Earlier today I was driving. I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, just out handling my usual Sunday business. I’m waiting at a red light and notice a bird – a pigeon to be exact – crossing the street. The light turns green and, obviously, we began to drive. But he’s still…walking…across…the…street. Luckily, myself and the car next to me have some sort of conscious because we both slowed down to let the bird continue to walk…across…the…street.

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In a flash, this blog was born. Now here’s the thing. This pigeon is a bird. (Duh!) He has wings. (Duh!) He’s not injured to the naked eye so he has the capability to fly. ( Double duh!) He could have used his God given abilities to get wherever he was going, but instead of flying he chose to walk. Yes, this pigeon was strutting his stuff across that street.

But why?

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Why make a seemingly simple task complicated? Why not use what God given abilities you already have – and KNOW you already have – to make your journey easier? He could have flown, but he didn’t. Instead, he decides to walk…across…the…street. (I will forever put emphasis on that statement!) Putting himself in unnecessary danger, causing unnecessary delay in his life and others (I was ready to gun it!). Something so simply resolved was made unintentionally, yet obviously, difficult.

But you know what? We do this every day! We walk…across…the…street.

We have all the capabilities to go after what we want (and in some cases, who we want) yet we choose the most lackadaisical route to obtaining it. And then…AND THEN…we have the nerve to catch an attitude when it comes to us in the same speed! You can’t cruise your way to your goal and expect the results to reach you at lightening speed. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t neglect the tools you possess to reach your goals faster then wonder why it’s taking eons for anything to happen. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t take the path of least effort then complain about the participation award while watching the winners celebrate. It doesn’t work that way.

So how DOES it work?

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It works when you make the PERMANENT decision to go after what you want. It works when you put your excuses to the side and push through – even when life pushes back on you. It works when you access your tools and use the to PROPERLY and SWIFTLY propel you forward. It works when you not only move YOURSELF forward, but you take OTHERS with you. It works when you STAND for your belies – the ones that benefit ALL HUMANKIND. It works when you STOP…WALKING…ACROSS…THE…STREET!!!

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Put a sense of urgency into your goals. Put a sense of necessity into them. Light a fire under your arse and get going! Whatever you have to do, be INTENTIONAL about getting to your intended destination, but please…for Pete’s sake and for the love of Mike…

Don’t walk…across…the…street. FLY!!!!!!

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How do you plan on flying into your destiny? Share below! Need help spreading your wings? Contact me today and let’s get you going!

 

No one likes death. Even though it’s simply a transference of the Spirit from one realm to another, that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. What’s even worse than death is an unexpected death. The  removal of someone from your life in, what has been called, “an untimely manner.” This type of death leaves you asking a million questions, the main one being, “Why?”

Here’s the thing though. Death isn’t always the absence of life in the body. Sometimes, it can be the absence of life in other areas as well. Last year was full of unexpected deaths for me, but I’m not talking about the death of a loved one (although that, too, struck a strong chord with me). I’m referring to the death of relationships: three to be exact. And every single one was unexpected in it’s timing, process, and outcome.

Who were these relationship deaths? *breaths* The death of the man I was in love with. The death of my marriage (no, it wasn’t the same person…soon you’ll understand). Finally – and probably the most painful – the death of my best friend. All of these relationships ended within months of each other. It felt like I was spiraling out of control. Hindsight can be 20/20 at times. Right now, this is as clearly as I can see – we’ll call it 15/20 – because I’m not done grieving yet.

So how did I deal with these deaths?! Well, at the time I was all over the place – or so I thought. Today, I realized I had been going through the grieving stage – and didn’t even know it. There are five main stages of grief (along with sub-stages) that I went thought…and none of them were fun.

Image result for stages of grief*credit: Pinterest

Denial: Nah, this wasn’t really happening. I wasn’t being choked in my own bedroom by my ex-husband in front of my son. He was just stressed. I wasn’t still in love with a man that said he loved me, but wasn’t ready to commit. I broke that feeling years ago. Our bond was 20 years solid…she didn’t just abandon me like that. It was the wedding and school stress that caused her disappearance. I made an excuse for every single demised relationship. I blamed it on schedules, mind games, mercury retrograde…you name it, I faulted it. I faulted everything except the parties involved. I mean, things happen and soon we’d get it together…right? Wrong! That man I was so madly in love with…can’t even return an email. The ex-husband who wanted to “work it out?” I guess he decided I’d be better off dead. And my best friend of 20 years? Well, I guess that’s not long enough for loyalty.

ANGER: Oh, I was mad! BIG MAD!!! How could I commit so much of myself for so long only to reap nothing in return? How was I so stupid to believe that my marriage was real, or that “he” was the one, or that the way I treated and supported her would be returned when the shoe was on the other foot? How could they all abandon me like that, leaving me in a dust pile of nothingness, covered in scars, blood, and tears – and not even say they were sorry? And how could I let them? Where was my self-respect? How did I not see this coming? Why were they placed on pedestals while I was merely an option in a cabinet? He told me he wasn’t ready. Why did I fall in love with him anyway? He told me he was from the streets. What made me think he would be a good husband? I was always – ALWAYS – there for her. Where in the hell was she when I needed her?

Depression: If I wasn’t so against medication I’d probably be on every psych pill known to man. This shit hurt, I mean HURT! This wasn’t a one night stand, or a 6 month boy toy, or a casual chick I’d hang out with if I was super bored. This guy was the epitome of everything I wanted in a man. This man was the one I committed myself to in front of a judge AND God…after driving NINE HOURS to get to him! This was a 20 year friendship filled with kids, birthday parties, clubbing nights, hospital visits, and family connections. These weren’t just everyday people. These were individuals that had my  heart…my SOUL! Casual acquaintances be damned…these three meant EVERYTHING to me and left me feeling like I meant NOTHING to them! No amount of cake, music, or clinical therapy in the world could take the pain I was feeling – and am still feeling – away.

Bargaining: Talk about making deals with – nope…I’m not going to say it. But I will say this is my current stage…yet within the last few days it’s flipped. At first, I was thinking of reaching out to these people – well, everyone except my ex-husband. He can go f**k himself! But I wanted to reach out to the man I loved and see if maybe, just maybe, we could be friends. I mean, sure he may still not be ready, but we can be friends…right? I was thinking about reaching out to my ex-best friend. Maybe it really was the stress of school and the wedding. Maybe she didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Maybe she tried – she really tried – but she just couldn’t come out and say what she really wanted to say. I battled with my mind and my ego back and forth on this for weeks. The holidays – ugh – they were the worst! It just wasn’t the same.

And then it hit me…the bargaining isn’t about getting back with them; it’s about getting back on track.

That’s where I am right now. I’m no longer trying to find ways or excuses to rekindle dead relationships. I’m no longer beating myself up for trusting individuals. I’m no longer playing “victim” nor “survivor.” I’m simply trying to find a way to move on in life without them. I’m finding ways to heal from the hurt. I’m finding a purpose for the pain. I’m making a deal with myself to be a better version of myself.

What’s after this? The final stage: Acceptance.

No, I’m not completely there yet, and that’s okay. These stages bleed into one another. So I guess you can say I’m at a healthy 4.7; still bargaining, but I have pretty much accepted the fact that I may never see nor hear from these individuals again. It used to hurt, but I’ve been though that. I was mad about it, but I’ve been though that. I was sad about it, but I’ve been though that. Now it’s time to get real about it. Their season is over in my life. My season is over in their life. No one is any more right or wrong than anyone else. Who knows, they may feel a certain type of way about me. If that’s the case, and on the rare chance they’re actually reading this, I apologize. Nothing was intentional; it was simply the actions of a broken person, not an evil spirit. I’ve learned and grown from it and I pray that you have, too.

The reason why I’m sharing this with you is two-fold. First, I need an outlet. Since I have no BFF anymore – outside of my Misfits – there’s no one I trust enough to vent to that could handle it. It’s part of my bargaining stage: to face what was, what is, and what is soon to be. I’m okay with that. The second reason is because as a coach this is what I help other women overcome. I didn’t have anyone to hold my hand through my stages. I want to be that hand for the next person…as a support system…without judgment or belittlement. I’m not a therapist, nor do I want to be. All they do is ask a bunch of repetitive questions based on the past. No real, current healing can begin that way. (Not knocking therapists…but from experience it just didn’t work from me).

Grieving can cause road blocks that prevent you from living, laughing, and Loving again. It’s imperative to get back to life after death. You may not know how…but I do, and I’m here to help you. What are you grieving in your life? How are you handling it? What stage are you in? (If you say none it’s denial! LOL! I KID!) No matter what life used to knock you down, no matter what relationship, opportunity, or career path has died, you can recover and you can move on.

Leave your story below. Inspire someone else. Need more help, guidance, or clarity? Contact me at http://www.isyspublications.com/contact.

It’s time to get back to YOU again!

 

We made it! We got thought the holidays unscathed!!! Now let’s get to the business of getting back to business. We are six days away from a new year; the time period where everyone loves – LOVES, do you hear me – to press the reset button on their lives with the hopes of getting it right this time.

Honey, listen…2016 has been a straight up b***h on steroids with too much hostility and not enough compassion. We’ve lost some great humanitarians, elected a moron for our next president, seen the disgusting behavior of our fellow “Americans” in light of the post-election fubar, and have, undoubtedly, dealt with our own personal storms.

January 1, 2017 is a chance to be great again – no, not like “that” – in every area of your life. But here’s the question I want to propose to you…do you fear being great? Is there a part of you that doesn’t necessarily want to be successful? Do you think it requires too much of you? Are you afraid to make the commitment because you think you might fail…or even better, succeed?

It doesn’t have to be this way. There is no reason to fear having a better life. Fear is nothing but your mind in survival mode. It’s never experienced success on that level before so it’s trying to protect you from the unknown. It’s an involuntary survival skill, but you can override it with faith, confidence, and a PLAN!!! That’s the key right there. You need a plan to ensure your new goal is met successfully, just the way you envision it. You also need a support group to keep you encouraged and focused while you work on your plan. This can be comprised of friends, family, co-workers you trust, motivational books/audios, an accountability partner, or a coach.

Honey, listen…you don’t have go through this alone. Find someone that wants to see you succeed and will hold you accountable to the goals that you set for yourself. If you can’t find someone, hire someone! Yes, you read that right! If you’re serious – I mean really SERIOUS – about improving your life then you need to make an investment in YOURSELF and get a coach! Now only will they help you gain clarity on where you want to go, they’ll help you map out a realistic plan to get there – and will support you during the hard times until you get there.

What new goals do you have for your life? What type of support do you need? Leave your comments below and let’s see if I can help you…or at least point you in the right direction! Or you can also visit my site for more information on coaching. http://www.isyspublications.com/coaching It’s time to get over the fear of being great…and just be great!

 

We’re at the end of another year – another era – and the cycle of “making changes” is upon us. Now let me start this off with a disclaimer: I am all for making changes, setting goals, and creating a better life. With that being said, I’m also all for being honest with yourself, being realistic, and committing to the process.

At the end of every year we all feel compelled to analyze our life, determine what goals we did – and didn’t – meet, and vow to either renew those goals or make new goals. Usually, where we are and where we want to be are not in alignment. There’s a gap lingering, but we don’t quite know how to fill it. So we make a list of “filler goals” that sound good to the ear and look good to the eyes. We try to close that gap with these filler goals in hopes to finally – FINALLY – get a step ahead.

Here’s the issue – these filler goals aren’t really heartfelt. They’re made out of desperation, confusion, and – to be straight up with you – manipulation! You have people in person and on social media telling you it’s your time to lose weight, get rich, walk in your purpose…yada, yada, yada! But what about you? What is it that YOU want? Cancel out the noise of everyone else and think about YOUR future?

Do you want to finally write that book about your life? Do you want to move to a new state and start a new life? Do you want to end that dead end job and switch to a thriving career? Do you just want five extra minutes a day to yourself? No one said new goals have to be life altering! You don’t have to declare to move mountains. You just have to set a goal that will make YOUR life better. How do you do that?

Make a decision to have a better life.

It really IS that simple. Now what do I mean by a “better life?” I mean that in comparison to where you are now, the goal that you set will improve the overall quality of your life in a ways that will make you happy. You can start with setting one goal and then continuing the trend as each goal is met, or you can set a few goals at the beginning of the year to accomplish by the end of the year. There is no right or wrong way to set a goal. The decision is up to you. All you have to do is make it.

What decisions have you made to improve your life this upcoming year? How will you fill your gap from where you are to where you want to be? Tell me in the comments below! If you need an advocate or someone to guide you along, contact me at http://www.isyspublications.com/contact. I’ll be more than happy to coach you to your success!

 


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