The Motivational Rockstarr

Posts Tagged ‘growth

Self-Love

To Love Self is to Love God! ~ Coach Cartel

Amazing! Wonderful! Beautiful! Delicious, even!

Those are just a few words that can describe my week of self-Love! Never have I ever devoted so much time and attention to myself without an ounce of guilt being felt. To understand the depth and magnitude of how important of a milestone this is for me we need to go back to what started it all.

For three weeks I partook in an online Love summit entitled From Heartbreak to Wholeness. Hosted by Elisabeth Scheffer, it featured some of the nation’s top Love experts, coaches, healers – alla dat! Some of the presenters I’ve known and followed off and on from time to time. A few were new to me. In fact, it was a coach of one of the new presenters that sparked the idea of my self-Love week.

Her name is Nicole and she’s my new Love Mentor. She works closely with Dr. Diana Kirschner who’s a relationship coach. No, I’m not looking to get hitched again – yet! However, I have come to realize that while I’m so busy giving, giving, giving I’m doing very little receiving. And that, my dear rockstar, had to change.

So upon speaking with Nicole for the first time we got to know each other better. I told her of my past Love “lessons” and how they contributed to my personal views on Love as of late. During this 60 minute call she gave me several homework assignments (still makes me lol…I’m not even officially her student yet!). One of these assignments was to get a massage. I needed to show myself some TLC…with the same intent that I’ve shown to others.

And thus began the week of self-Love!

It’s funny because I was hesitant to even book the massage! Seriously, it took me almost an hour to click submit for payment. But I finally did it. It was paid for and all I had to do was secure a date. (That was on Sunday.) Since that day, I have done at least one act of self-Love for myself for the past seven days. I’m proud to say that, beyond that initial hesitation, I didn’t bulk once at spoiling myself with a little TLC!

Why? Because after speaking with Nicole I had an epiphany that night. I can’t keep giving 50 if I’m only at 5! Never mind the numbers (I’m not talking percentages or anything), focus on the message. We’ve all heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Well that saying is beyond the truth and what I found myself doing – especially lately – is trying to pour into others (work, kids, business, clients, writing, etc.) from a space that was about as dry as the Sahara desert! I was so focused on forcing myself to give to others that I didn’t stop to see that I had nothing left to give. It was like squeezing water from a rock. It just wasn’t there. Add to that my internal issues dealing with rejection, exclusion, judgment – something had to give.

So I gave! More like I gave up! What did I give up?

  • The need for others’ approval of my work.
  • The need to feel included in events.
  • The need for outer validation.
  • The need for social media.

I let it all go for seven whole days! And it…felt…GREAT!!! I realized during this week the reason why I felt the way I did was because others were giving amongst themselves, but no one was giving to me. No one was giving to me because I wasn’t giving to MYSELF!!! While I can’t safely say that habit has been completely broken, I can say that it has been curved dramatically. No longer will I neglect myself nor hide my true being for the sake of others. Anytime I feel slighted by someone or something on the outside, I’ll know it’s time to go within and nurture my inner artistic Rockstarr back to health.

So what does that mean for me now? It means I’m at a point where I’m in the overflow! Yes, I can freely write, create, and coach effectively! I can goal set and plant good seeds for my next harvest. I can look at myself in the mirror and look 10 years younger because I eliminated the stress! I can be open and vulnerable to myself, to my clients, and – God willing – to my true Love! :o) I’m at a beautiful place, in a beautiful space, and I thank God for this week of heavenly bliss! If you have never done so, please take a week – or even a few days – and carve out time just for yourself. You’ll be amazed at how wonderful, light, healthy, and younger you’ll look and feel! It feels so good to give from this space! It feels even better to receive from it!

Ahh…Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. The day we shower our loved ones with candy, cards, stuffed animals, and other trinkets. It’s also the day we curse for being fake, commercialized, glamorized, and created for profit’s sake.

Honey, listen.

Your thoughts about Valentine’s Day are valid…because they’re your thoughts. Maybe you love the day. Maybe you loathe it. Maybe it brings up beautiful memories of how you met your spouse. Maybe it’s not even recognized as a day and you’re still pretending it’s February 13th. Whatever the case may be, look past the “holiday” and see the purpose of it.

This day is about love. It’s about caring for individuals in a way that may or may not be deserving. It’s about putting someone else’s needs before your own simply because you value them that much. To me, Valentine’s Day isn’t a chance to show off how much you love your mate to the public. It’s a day to prove to someone that you love and value them…in private.

That can be hard to do, especially if you’re still healing from a broken heart. I understand because I’ve been there. Hell, technically I’m STILL there! There are different levels of pain when it comes to a broken heart. There’s the level due to the loss of a love one through death. There’s the level due to loss of a loved one intimately (breaking up). And there’s the level due to loss of SELF! This is the level I want to address because – in my opinion – this is the hardest heart break of all to heal from – but it’s also the EASIEST to recover.

When I say, “loss of self,” what I’m referring to is forgetting about the essence of who you are. This could have been done for the sake of pleasing someone else. It could have been due to extensive responsibilities. Or maybe you were never taught how to love your self so you didn’t, in fact, lose it…you never had it. When we neglect our own needs it becomes hard to meet the needs of others. When they don’t understand this neglect of self and still demand things from us, it can also make us resentful.

This is dangerous for several reasons. Resentment blocks our ability to reason. It prevents us from seeing the full picture because we’re so focused on what’s being taken from us; we don’t stop to see what we’re giving ourselves. It also makes it harder for others to love us because we automatically group everyone in the category of “leeches” and assume they just want to stick their grimy straws in our backs and suck us dry. That may not be the case, but when we have no love for self and set no boundaries it sure can seem that way.

That’s why it’s important to step back from everyone and everything for a while and refuel your own cup. You need to get into the habit of loving you even when it’s hard to love others. We get so wrapped up in trying to prevent others from breaking our hearts that we don’t see how we’re breaking our own hearts daily. Love isn’t outside of you. It’s within you. When you love yourself properly it begins to REFLECT outside of you. So the love that you believe others have – or don’t have – for you is really a REFLECTION of the love you have for yourself.

Now the question is how are you loving yourself? What have you done to please you lately? Do you even know your love language? If not, find out what it is here. Once you know how to love you, then you can fall passionately in love with your SELF. Then and only then will the additional love from others have true meaning.

This Valentine’s Day, spend some time loving you even if you’re recovering from loving others. It’s okay to still show love to others as well, even if you’re working on healing yourself. No one has ever been hindered by love. Lust…yes. Love…no way! The best way to heal your heart is to use it. Start inward and work your way out. The more you love, the faster you’ll heal.

How will you  love yourself this Valentine’s Day? Share your ideas below.

Are you struggling with learning to love yourself? Let me show you how vital love is to your personal growth.

http://isyspublications.com/coaching

 

When I tell you that last week was a test of skill, will, and chill…I mean every word of it. Last Monday was the night of the Super Moon. Everyone – that I know, at least – was either ecstatic about its presence or hiding under their covers waiting for it to pass. I happen to be part of the crowd that anticipated such a spectacular event.

It was big!

It was beautiful!

It was the beginning of the unveiling of a lot – A LOT – of truths!

What do I mean by that? For me – and I can only speak for me – the Super Moon was my beacon and the light that it shined on a lot of things, and people, was not pleasant. I was forced to see situations for what they were, not what I wanted them to be. I was forced to see people for who they were, not who I wanted them to be. Even more importantly, it forced me to see myself for WHO I am…and that, my dear Rockstarrs, was my Super Moon Wake-Up Call!

I won’t get into the things nor people, because they’re irrelevant to my point. What I want to talk about is YOU – and I’ll use ME as a reference. You see, we all have a divine design for our life. We all need, want, and desire better – but we’ve been sold so many dreams and very few, if any, have come to fruition. We feel like we’re running in circles and getting nowhere. Yet it doesn’t have to turn out that way.

That’s what the Super Moon did for me last week. It forced me to see the error of my own ways and how I, and I alone, am the blockage to my blessings. Case in point: I’m in the midst of a 90 Day Non-Negotiable Mirror Challenge. The premise of this challenge is to have mirror time with myself (yes, as in talking to myself in the mirror) every single day…NO EXCUSES!!! Now the way I set this up is to do it 30 minutes before it’s time for me to get ready for work.

Well, this week wasn’t so favorable for me. While I always had my mirror time, it was either cut short (because I started late) or done later in the morning (in my car). I kept disciplining myself during my mirror time when I should have been honoring and celebrating myself. After all, that’s the entire point of the exercise. Long story short, what I realized was that I was harping over not getting up on time (I never have been an early morning person – ever!) instead of focusing on the most important part of the exercise which was focusing on the GOOD in me.

I’ve received this same lesson in other areas of my life as well. My focus this week has been on all the wrong things. The same can be said in regards to achieving goals. When you keep focusing on the roadblocks instead of the accomplishments you will feel stuck, or – even worse – like you’re going backward instead of forward. In my case, I was forced to see that my disciplining and scolding of self was being counterproductive to what I wanted to achieve. Once I got this message, I pumped the breaks and approached things differently.

Sometimes, we need to stop and access if what we see as a mountain is really just a holograph of our imagination. In my case, it most certainly was an illusion; one that I’m glad was revealed to me and one that quickly dissipated. This week, I anticipate the progression of various goals that I plan to achieve before the end of the year thanks to the Super Moon Revelation. What you focus on truly does expand. I was focused on the wrong thing. Now it’s my chance to make it right.

It’s never too late to shift your focus and you don’t need a Super Moon to do it. Simply take a few moments, take inventory of your life, your goals, and your progress, keep what’s working, ditch what isn’t, and move forward.

Quite frankly, I’m glad the Super Moon is over (some of the stuff that I experienced…yo!), but I can honestly say that I’m equally glad I was able to experience it. Now it’s time to apply my new level of knowledge to my life. I’m certain the results will be nothing short of amazing!

How was your Super Moon experience? Feel free to share below!

Yes, I said it! There is way too much negativity going on in the world. I, for one, can no longer take it! I mean, come on people! Not everything requires the resting b**ch face! Some things you need to address. Some things you need to laugh off. Some things you need to just let go. We already live in a world ruled by chaos, confusion, and criticism. We deal with fear, failure, and frail egos. This “microwave generation” insists on having what they want, when they want it, how they want it, right now! And not right now…but RIGHT NOW!!! Everyone’s all go, go, go…gimmie, gimmie, gimmie…grind, grind, grind!

*insert eye roll here*

Breathe, people!

Let me be the first to give you permission to forget what you’ve heard, seen, or believe and to – for once – be unapologetically you! Why? Because that’s who the world needs right now. We don’t need another business expert. We don’t need another financial guru. We don’t need another social media maven, or transformational teacher. The world has enough of them. I know because I follow – and Love – a lot of them. What the world needs is YOU! The writer! The dreamer! The achiever! And we need you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

What brings about this rant of mine? Because I’m beginning to notice a pattern that’s very unsettling to my inner child. It’s this incessant need to look the part of success. We’ve all been sold this dream that in order to be a successful, financially flamboyant person (you know you want to laugh at that…go ahead, it’s okay!) we have to act, look, and be a certain way. We need to have this cold, stern, I-talk-only-business face on at all times. We need to negotiate deals like corporals. We can’t crack jokes, or share politically incorrect memes, or even post our true feelings on a subject out of fear of – gasp – having or own opinion. and – an even bigger gasp – having that opinion judged!

Since when did becoming robots equate to success? Since when did selling our soul for fame and recognition become the ONLY path? Quite frankly, I’m over it and you should be, too! Granted, there are certain aspects of success that are necessary: the need to respect individuals, networking and communication, and being in integrity. You should be able to do these things AND be successful AND be who you truly are. After all, without respect I doubt you’ll have many clients. Without networking and communication your customer base will be non-existent. As far as integrity, you have to be who you say you are…and you can’t do that trying to emulate something or someone that you’re NOT!

I’m a highly functioning, high vibrational, high spirited individual that LOVES to laugh, have fun, joke around, and be the unfiltered, glitter throwing, smile flashing, crazy dancing, spontaneous goofball that I am! Yet society has me feeling lately as if I need to tone it down and squeeze into this perception of the strict discipline, straight face, all knowing, BORING (a Gemini’s worst fear) individual that wants massive amounts of people to follow me because I see all and know all!

I think not!

Honey, listen! It’s okay – and necessary – to be authentically you. And I mean the legit definition of authentic. Not the mirror-imitate-this-expert type of authentic. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you or get you.  Your circle – your tribe – need you just the way you are. But you can’t find them until you take off the mask, put an end to the façade, and be who you are. Damn it, didn’t you learn ANYTHING from Dr. Seuss?!

Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

I hope this gives you the permission that you feel you need, which you really DON’T need, to just be you. I’m taking my own advice and returning back to my authentic, Love-centered self. Why? Because that’s who I am, that’s who I’ve always been, and that’s who I’ll always be.

#UnapologeticallyBlack

#UnapologeticallyIntelligent

#UnapologeticallyFun

#UnapologeticallyDifferent

#UnapologeticallyMe

What’s your #unapologetically_ hashtag?! Share below! You just might inspire someone else. :o)

 

May 13, 2012: I hit the wall – well, tree.

May 23, 2012: I made the decision.

May 25, 2012: I purchased the ticket.

May 31, 2012: I got on the plane.

June 1, 2012: I went inside of my cocoon.

That’s where I’ve been for the past nine months – in my cocoon. I was struggling. I was wounded. I was heartbroken. I had given up on almost everyone and everything in life…including life itself. Nothing that I was doing worked anymore. The advice, the books, the challenges – they all had me going in circles. I was spiraling downward and out of control. Something had to give and as much as I tried to fight it the realization appeared that inevitably it would have to be me. And so the conception arrived.

Month 1: I did nothing. Abso-freakin-lutely NOTHING! I sat. I rested. I marinated. I got myself as comfortable as I possibly could in my cocoon located in the “heart of it all.” That’s right, I went back to Ohio…Columbus, Ohio to be exact…my parent’s house to be even more exact. Nope, I no longer have any shame in it as hindsight is always 20/20. Keep reading…it will make sense in the end (like it always does). Towards the end of the first month I got antsy. I realized this was not for me, yet I was brought back here for a reason. I just didn’t know what it was. So instead of sitting around the house waiting for the reason to come to me I decided to get up and get moving. I had a chance to make some things right so I might as well take the opportunity.

Month 2: The first thing I did was get a job. Well, actually I went through a temp agency. My first gig was only two days. Then I would start a longer gig – one that was scheduled to last eight weeks. I thought, This is perfect. I can make some money for the summer and then get transferred through the agency and return back to Atlanta. Then it hit me; I tried that before and it didn’t work. Plus, that wasn’t the plan my Higher Power had for me because my eight-week gig is now my current position. I was still in the throes of the idea of staying, but I numbed it with the intention of leaving at the end of the summer.

Month 3: I started to regenerate my faith in actually being able to leave. I had a nice cushion saved up and had begun scouring the internet for jobs and opportunities in Atlanta. There were hopes of me reuniting with the man I fell in love with while I was in Atlanta – even though our last conversation had me questioning if he was truly still “the one.” I even paid off a debt. The hope was still there.

Month 4: Hope had died. I mean a slow, painful, miserable death. Not because I was still here, but because somewhere within the last 30 days I had come to understand that Atlanta was toxic to me. It is great as a vacationing city, but residential wise it just wasn’t for me. I’m not a metro-city type of person. I need a mix of city/country with excitement in between them. Atlanta was too much excitement with not enough relaxation. Too many people were fighting and stressing over the same things. It was that energy that wounded me in the first place. Some people can handle that. Some people thrive off of that. I am not one of those people. So I begin my second trimester with a new hope. While I will eventually return south, it won’t be to Atlanta. My focus has shifted to preparing myself for a real return. And I made the decision that this move would be my last move until my youngest graduates high school…and she hasn’t been born yet. (And, no, I’m not pregnant!)

Month 5: I get some wheels underneath me. No, seriously, I bought a car! A vehicle that can take me where I need to go, when I need to go, and in a safe and efficient manner. It was wonderful! It was exciting! It was a car that I’ve wanted since it came out! Sure it took a decade, but I manifested my Alero! Yes, it’s an older model car but it’s MY older model car…completely paid for…completely MINE! This purchase brings about a different priority; I begin to set different goals. Instead of focusing on running away, I’ll work on what I can fix while I’m here. And that’s what I begin to do.

Month 6: It’s the end of the second trimester and the beginning of the holiday season. I am determined to get into the Spirit of the season – after all, massive amounts of cake were on the horizon! This month I start to come into who I am. I begin to realize what it is that I want more and more every day. There isn’t much physical movement this month, but the mental and spiritual movement begins to take over.

Month 7: It’s movement time. I’m turning things around. I’m preparing to be (re)born. I’m getting rid of what’s been weighing me down. I’m discovering my SELF. It’s a little tight these days, but I know that’s because I’m growing and expanding and coming into my own. I also set a vision of my life. One that, withouth my current knowledge at the time, I will be reminded of before my “arrival.”

Month 8: My injuries are completely healed. Now it’s just a matter of time before I can resurface. I continue to prepare for my emergence and position myself for movement when the time comes. The new goals are set. The system is in place. Everything is exactly as it should be. All I need to do is stick to the plan.

Month 9: This is the most important month of all. I discover – well rediscover – my center. I read the blogs I’ve written. I watch the videos I’ve made. I analyze my life not only from the past nine months, but also the past three years. I go all the way back to June 16th, 2009 at 8:35 PM EST when the changes all began. It hits me that everything before that moment is now irrelevant. During this journey from then until now I see where I went right, where I went left, and where I went nowhere at all. I discover what outer sources blocked me and what inner sources blocked me. I break down those walls and find my CENTER again! I am reminded that in everything that I do, in every word that I say, in every ACTION that I make I always have been, am still, and always will be LOVE CENTERED!

March 2, 2013 9:38 AM EST: Labor begins. I start with my morning talk with my Higher Power. Everything comes to the surface from these past few months. The hurt, the pain, the agony. The growth, the joy, the happiness. It all starts to make sense. The delay in movement. The accident that started the process. The reasons why I shouldn’t go back to Atlanta. The reason why I had to let “him” go. Everything made sense. It was being pushed out. I was being pushed through it all. And then I saw the light.

March 2, 2013 10:50 AM EST: I realize why I’m here. In order for me to truly heal I had to get to the heart of it all. In order to get to the heart of it all I had to come back to the “heart of it all.” Not just Ohio. Not just Columbus, Ohio. But to my parent’s home. Back to where I was raised. Back to where it all began. I had to get back to being me by going back to the source that made me who I am in the first place. I had to return to my center to return to being LOVE CENTERED. I didn’t get it then, but I definitely get it now.

And at this very moment I am (re)born. I am new. I am healed. I am who I always have been – just without the outer facade. I can – and will – be completely free to be who I truly am. There is no need to chase any more dreams. There is no need to succumb to any demise. There is no need to feel inferior as if I’m in the shadow of someone else. There is only a need to be me, in my own spirit, in my own skin, just as I am, where I am, while being comfortable with who I am. I will always learn. I will always grow. I will always strive to be better than I was the day before. I will just do it from my center, in my center, and in ways that are compatible with my center. LOVE is in me. LOVE runs through me. LOVE is all around me. LOVE IS ME!

I am LOVE! I am (RE)BORN!

My first tears in this new life of mine are not of sadness, but of joy. I look forward to seeing where this new life will lead me.

…and now, I eat!

So, here it is! Day one of Project 365. This is my journey chronicling my transition to the next level. I have many levels and dimensions of my life that I am focusing on during this transition in addition to my overall standard of living. For this blog, I will focus on four areas: professional, intellectual, emotional and mental. Here is what type of growth I am looking to obtain in the next 365 (actually 366 – 2012 is a leap year) days.

Professional: I will release three separate novels within the next 365 days. One novel, Diamond’s Reign, will be released in September 2011. The second novel, As I Die Slowly, will be released on World AIDS Day which is December 1, 2011. Amaya’s Gift, which is my charitable novel for Nationwide Children’s Hospital, will be released in February or March 2012.

I will also write two new novels. One will be written during NaNoWriMo (which stands for National Novel Writing Month) in November. The other will be written six months later in April. During this first month I will complete the Amaya’s Gift manuscript…so I guess I’ll be writing three novels!

Intellectually: I will read one empowering book per month. I already have my list for the first nine months thanks to my Alliance. I also plan on adding Napoleon Hill’s Laws of Success, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and I still need to find a final book. It’ll come to me, but suggestions are always welcome! 🙂

Emotionally: I will develop the TRUE meaning of Unconditional Love. I will eventually get it to the point where I can outpour it onto others. At this point, I have to develop it within myself. I love myself, but I know I can love myself a lot more! (As I look around this virtually empty apartment…I REALLY could love myself a lot more!)

Mentally: I will change my language to reflect positivity. ALL NEGATIVE WORDS that end in -n’t will be eliminated! Instead of saying what I -n’t want I will say what I DO want. Instead of focusing on what I -n’t do I will develop what I CAN do. I think you get my drift! 😉

My blog postings will be as often as I can make them. I will post at least three times a week; maybe more if I need to celebrate…or vent! I will also post video updates at the end of the  month…or the beginning. Depends on my mood! This is the beginning, so everything is all over-the-top and optimistic. Yet, as the weeks and months go by I know things will shift. That’s what this journey is about…shifting! My life will shift (affirming it will shift for the BETTER) so I may miss some postings. Yet I want to show you all my transition so you can see first hand someone go through REAL changes with no holds barred…in regards to these four areas, that is!

I’m excited! I’m ready! I’m going INNNNN! I am ready to see how this will all play out. Hold on tight…this is going to be one wild, crazy, fun-filled, blessed and abundant ride!


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